Preconceived Notions - Definition of a Slave

There are many preconceived notions that I had when entering the submissive contract. The one I will be talking about today is my definition of a slave.

Its hard for me to think of a slave as much at all. This has been one of the hardest things for me - to think of a slave as something substantial. I dont mean to offend anyone who might read this that is a slave/sub. These are just thoughts of mine while struggling with this facet of my relationship.

I was brought up to think of myself as a strong woman. I can handle anything - even if I really just dont think I can, or dont want to. I have an inner strength that helps me get through the rough times. I have struggled with many things from being a control freak (ish) :), to my faith, to a low self-esteem, and more, but have always been able to "rise to the occasion" sort of speak. My thoughts about this inner-strength has always centered around the fact that I can control myself and do or not do whatever I set my mind to.

As a slave, however, I have no decision making power, or rights to any type of control of any kind. This is an exact opposite of what I have always known. My Master has said that the act of submission is a strong thing to do. I can see where that would be for those who choose to live the lifestyle. However, I did not come into this relationship from that point of view. Maybe that is why it is more difficult for me?

I am the type of person who doesnt have much "gray area" in their life. Things are really great, or not great at all; I dont have much in between. That spills over into many things and how I view them. For this particular topic, I dont see how to play the part of a slave as someone who has some control (versus having none at all which is what my preconception is). That kind of goes against the all or nothing I am used to experiencing.

All I have been able to do lately, is just make myself stop thinking about stuff and just not let myself think. I am sure that makes my Master very happy since he doesnt like how much I think and analyze stuff. I will probably be talking about this again and let you know how it is going!