As I have said earlier, I am a person without much gray-area in my life. That means that I experience great highs. As part of those wow wow moments, I let out nervous energy constantly. I also jabber on and on about something I am really excited about and release some of the contained enthusiasm!
When I am in an excited mood and feel like jabbering, I dont feel I am being submissive in any way. I dont have that on my radar at all - no thoughts in that way whatsoever. That is something that I feel uncomfortable with - talking with my Master in an excited, jabbering way. I am not saying that I feel uncomfortable talking with him in general. I enjoy talking with him. (Of course lately, we havent been talking as much as I want, but I think that is because things are a little unsure, or uncertain at the moment. Master said he thought I was uncomfortable talking with him in general - I still think that is still going on a bit.)
Anyway - since I dont have any thoughts of D/s when I am talking about my excitement, I feel like I am not doing what I should be. Therefore, for now, I make it a point not to do my excited jabbering with my Master. I have another friend, who my Master also knows, that I express my excitement to. That way I am not keeping it bottled up too much, and am not being a bad submissive.
I have talked about this with my Master and he feels I am not being bad. However, I just havent been able to get over the feeling of not doing what I am supposed to - and therefore feeling like I am being disobedient.
I am not really sure what to do on this and for right now I havent really been doing anything about it. I have been concentrating on other things. When I have more information about what I am doing, or its becoming more of a problem, or anything else I will write more.
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